Fic: The Anchor That You Can't Leave Behind (Star Wars)

[redrikki]

Title: The Anchor That You Can't Leave Behind
Fandom: Star Wars Prequels
Rating: PG
Characters: Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala, Obi-Wan Kenobi
Summary: On the queen's yacht headed back to Naboo, Anakin and Padmé miss their mothers but Obi-Wan doesn't get why.

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Everyone was too busy planning their war to notice when Anakin slipped away to explore the queen’s yacht. It was easily the fanciest ship he’d ever seen, even fancier than a Hutt pleasure barge. The hallways gleamed and the cabins all had soft beds covered in big squishy pillows. Except for the replacement engine Anakin had won, everything was top of the line and factory fresh. It was everything Anakin should have loved, but he hated it instead. The cold, beautiful ship had taken him from his mom and he wished he’d never come on board.

 

With nothing to do and no one to talk to, Anakin just wandered feeling sorrier for himself by the minute. He was blinking back tears by the time he stumbled in to the deserted galley. The blanket Padmé had given him the other night was right where he left it and he curled up under it. It wasn’t fair. Everyone else on this stupid ship was going home, but Anakin didn’t even know where his was any more. Qui-Gon had said the Temple would be his home, but the Jedi didn’t want him there at all. He bet Watto and his mom still wanted him, but he had no way of getting back to Tatooine. Anakin had never thought he’d miss it. Being a slave had been awful, but at least he’d had his mom and his friends and know where his bed was and what he was supposed to do each day. Tears slid down Anakin’s cheeks. He didn’t know or have anything any more.

 

He shouldn’t cry. Slaves weren’t supposed to and neither, Anakin suspected, were Jedi. He told himself to stop, that he was just wasting water, but that only made him cry harder. Snot dripped from his nose. Anakin was the dirtiest, grubbiest thing on this whole beautiful ship. He burrowed under the blanket to hide his shame.

 

The gallery door slid open and Anakin froze mid-sob. Footsteps headed for the sink. The tap ran for a minute, then turned off. The intruder stood by the sink to drink and Anakin tried not to breath.  His chest was starting to hurt from holding his breath when the door opened again. 

 

“Handmaiden,” said Obi-Wan.

 

“Padawan,” said Padmé.

 

Anakin inhaled blanket. Sputtering, he struggled to throw the stupid thing off. He finally broke free and found the two of them staring at him with equally started expressions. Anakin’s cheeks burned. He should have just stayed hidden.

 

“Ani!” Padmé tossed her cup aside and rushed to kneel beside him. “Are you alright?”

“Sorry,” Anakin said. He wiped his nose with his sleeve and scrubbed at his guilty tear tracks.

 

Padmé stilled his hand with a touch. “Don’t be sorry,” she said. “It's alright to miss your mother. Everyone does.”

 

“I don’t,” Obi-Wan dryly, taking a sip of his caf. 

 

If looks could kill, Padmé would have struck him dead. Still, Jedi must be braver than most because Obi-Wan looked more amused than chastised. Seeing her glare had no effect, Padmé turned back to Anakin. “Padawan Kenobi might not miss his mother, but I miss mine.”

 

Anakin’s eyes widened. “You do?” 

 

Padmé nodded, looking sad. “She’s back on Naboo with my father and sister. People are dying and I—” She stopped, choking up a little. She squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her knuckles to her lips, trying to hold back her tears. “I don’t even know if they’re alive,” she said in a strangled whisper.

It hurt to see her so sad. “I’m sure they are,” Anakin said. He had no idea, but it felt like the truth the way that some things just did. Maybe it was a Force thing. “Qui-Gon says that perception determines reality. If you believe the queen will save your family, then she’ll just have to win. Just like how I won the race.” 

 

“You’re right, Anakin.” Padmé straightened, shaking off her sadness like sand from a cloak. “Thank you.” There was steel in her eyes now and she looked like she could take on a whole army by herself. “We will liberate my planet and I will save my family.” She nodded crisply and Anakin nodded back.

 

Obi-Wan, meanwhile, sipped his caf and watched the whole thing with a faint air of amusement. Anakin frowned up at him. “How come you don’t miss your mom?”

 

“Why should I?” Obi-Wan shrugged. “It’s not as though she’s anyone particularly special.”

 

Padmé gasped. “What a horrible thing to say! How can you be so cold?”

 

Obi-Wan blinked, clearly taken aback by her reaction. “I don’t mean to be,” he said, “it’s simply that—” He paused, trying to collect his thoughts. “I came to the Temple as an infant. My mother may be a perfectly lovely person, but she’s a stranger to me. The Order is my true family.”

 

Padmé nodded, accepting his answer, but it didn’t sit right with Anakin at all.  Family was a warm, safe place on a cold desert night. It was the voice that called you back from a nightmare and the arms that held you when you cried. He couldn’t imagine that nasty Yoda person doing or being any of that. “Oh!” Anakin sat up straight as a thought occurred to him. Maybe the Jedi weren’t all like that. The other people on the Council had been a little cold and scary, but they hadn’t been mean like him. Maybe they were just shy around new people. Maybe when they knew you, they were all really nice. “Do the other Jedi hug you?” Anakin asked hopefully.

 

Obi-Wan’s eyes narrowed like Anakin had said something insulting. “Jedi,” he said coldly, “don’t need hugs.” Then he turned, and left in a flurry of Jedi robes and self-importance.

 

Anakin slunk down under his blanket. “I don't think he likes me any more,” he said quietly. He’d been bullied by other beings before, but there was something about Obi-Wan’s attitude made him feel stupid and small. Maybe it was because he’d been so nice before they went before the Council. Anakin couldn’t tell if they had ruined everything or if he had.

 

“Nonsense,” said Padmé. “I’m sure he’s just nervous.”

 

“I don’t know.” Anakin shook his head. “I don’t think Jedi get nervous.” After all, nervousness was a type of fear and that led to the Dark Side. And that, Anakin was pretty sure, was supposed to be bad.

 

“Well I’m nervous,” Padmé said. “And,” she added, glancing at Anakin from the corner of her eye, “I could really use a hug.”

 

“Okay,” Anakin said, and gave her one. He squeezed as hard as he could and hoped it helped. It certainly made him feel better.