A thousand generations live in you now

[redrikki]

So, you may have heard the new Star Wars teaser is out. I want to be more excited about it than I am.

Growing up, I was not a Star Wars fan. I'd seen the OT, we had a bootlegged copy of the Ewok Adventure my dad recorded off tv and the free Return of the Jedi glasses from Pizza Hut, but I wasn't a fan. I watched the movies when they were on, but they never captured my imagination. I didn't write fic or seek out any of the tie in material. I never got around to seeing the Prequels or cartoons. I just didn't care about the franchise.

Then I saw The Force Awakens and Star Wars devoured my brain. I started writing fic, I bought DVDs of everything, and a bunch of new EU tie-in stuff. I watched Rogue One in theaters twice! I'd never ever done that before. I was well and truly obsessed.

Then The Last Jedi happened and all that love just curdled. I've broken up with fandom before. Buffy and I slowly drifted apart after the show went off the air. I dumped Supernatural's dumb ass after it hurt me one too many times. I don't want TLJ to have ruined Star Wars for me. I want to keep loving it, I want to be excited. But I'm not and it breaks my heart.

Comments

[ljwrites]

I feel this post so much. Ever since TLJ, SW for me has been a disaster to brace for and not relaxing, enjoyable entertainment. The huge amount of energy and enthusiasm I poured into the fandom post TFA--post RO to be exact--went flying out the window at what felt like a kick to the gut and mockery both. A lot of the Tumblr fandom surrounding Finn left, and the the fans that remained (including myself) were bitter and suspicious which didn't make for a very fun environment at all.

I'm feeling the excitement in spite of myself, but it's still tinged with the disappointment I felt in TLJ that I don't think will ever go away no matter how good the next movie and the subsequent materials are. With TRoS I'm going to do what I did with TLJ and ask a trusted source to give me limited spoilers as to whether the movie is worth seeing. I never saw TLJ in a theater and never gave it a cent of my money, though I did see it eventually with much disbelief and raging. If I'd seen it in a theater unspoiled I don't think I could have taken it. I'll never be able to trust SW as a franchise again, and I am prepared for the worst with TRoS as well.

[redrikki]

I saw TLJ in theaters and walked out feeling angry and insulted. Like, personally insulted by the way the movie was basically mocking us for caring about what had come before and trying so hard to make me care about some psycho white boy.

I wish I trusted JJ and the franchise to do right by Finn and Rey and Poe and all the other characters TFA made me care about, but, like, I don't.

[ljwrites]

My husband took the words out of my mouth when he said: "I don't dislike TLJ for breaking Star Wars. I dislike it for breaking TFA." And yes, it was a very mean-spirited and insulting movie where the writer-director reveled in mocking fans for caring. It was also way too far up Kylo's ass for my tastes, even while establishing again how evil he is (small mercies and all).